just to point out that its written by John Gardiner

Now that women are a total pain in the butt.

Now that reproductive rights have been stolen from men by dishonourable politicians who sold us out while pretending to protect us in the very institutions that we created to defend ourselves against such malice and wrong doers – institutions that men defended with blood in the past and are defending right now, at this very minute.

Now that men have been enslaved by avaricious bitches who blame any man at random for their own sloppy and irresponsible, slutty and whore-like sexual conduct and mistakes, holding him paternally responsible, in scorn and ridicule while ripping out his soul along with his cash for child support.

Now that men are the brunt of slanderous sexual discrimination for just being men and having a normal healthy sex drive that women can’t accommodate or keep pace with.

It is now the time that men need a new play toy to replace women. A new sex object for men.

Women are redundant as sex objects. They’ve gone ugly. Distasteful. They’ve taken all the fun out of everything in their attempt to drag men down to their own level of biological slavery and abject misery. They’ve raped the sanctity of marriage as a meaningful and beautiful bond of love, respect and decency. Swapping it for money and self delusion.

They’ve even banned jokes and laughter and naughty cute calendar girls. They give you diseases, abuse, violence, pain, hatred and are not at all worthy of spending any time with. They murder and steal your children with the judiciary’s condonation. They force their way into employment, taking your jobs and then they fail to achieve, complaining all the while and blaming others for their lack of success.

They’re hateful, loveless and spiteful. They’re utterly disgraceful things. A blight on the face of humanity.

So men have turned to the Internet. Too complicated for women, it’s become male dominated. After all, we did invent it – and build it – and so it’s only natural that we’d enjoy playing with it. It’s only natural too, that we’d find sexual applications to experiment with in our new medium, being deprived of our normal sexual companions, women, who aren’t worth spitting on these days let alone wasting any other precious bodily fluids in.

All of this explains why international telecommunications networks have been flooded with amazing, bizarre and utterly filthy pornographic web sites displaying women who’ll apparently do absolutely anything, and I mean ANYTHING, for a buck. Shocking! Scandalous! Disgusting! Yet curiously fascinating at the same time!

Where do they find women like that!!? The mind boggles. Do these women live in my suburban neighbourhood? Are they the girl next-door? Are they the girl at the checkout counter with the dull glazed eyes seemingly gifted with an IQ somewhere in the low fifties? Who are these women and how do they enlist them? I can just imagine making such an employment offer to an attractive young girl sitting on a park bench consuming a banana for lunch…

“Er, excuse me Madam. You seem to be enjoying your banana. Would you be interested in becoming a photographic model for a men’s web site and doing assorted sexual things with several men, several women, a football team, some dogs, a donkey, a few rats, some other animals, reptiles and insects as well as a diverse collection of tools and implements, varieties of fruit and vegetables and other food stuffs, individually and in combinations whilst in various states of undress and bondage?”

Can you imagine her response!!? Can you imagine the charges? Can you just imagine? But then again, what would you do if she said “Yes”? Perhaps there’s no harm in actually asking? Perhaps in reality, all women are secretly desperate to be offered such an opportunity. I don’t know – I’m afraid I’m not that learned or worldly and I don’t believe that I’m about to give it a go to find out. Besides, such a menagerie wouldn’t fit in my garage.

Anyway, I’ve got to tell you that I think this web-porn is only a stop gap solution. I don’t think it’s going to hold guys’ interests for long because women have only got a fixed number of orifices and there’s only a finite number of things that will fit in them. At least as far as my imagination, and women’s orifices, can stretch.

Web-porn is just not as satisfying as the real thing. But the real thing’s not readily available anymore, at least enjoyably, and prostitutes come with too many rules. Besides, they’re women too, just like the rest, taking without giving. Some new sex object is definitely required.

What’s needed is a woman who’s not a woman. Something that looks like a woman, feels like a woman, and sounds like a woman, but doesn’t have any nasty mean selfish attitudes like a real woman. A sex toy that’s fully interactive but not in virtual reality – in actual, real reality. A kind of one-to-one scale woman simulator with limited artificial intelligence – a bit more than real women have. A fluffy toy for men’s pleasure. A high tech machine who’s always obliging when required. Just think about it. Adoring love at the click of a remote with a rechargeable twelve volt gel-cell battery and a three year warranty.

She’d be pretty and all beautiful. She’d be soft and frisky. She’d be warm, wet, willing and able. She’d even swallow with a smile. She’d never gag. She’d never get fat. She’d never get ugly. She’d never spend your money. She’d never have periods. She’d never want you to go out dancing. She’d never nag you. She’d never argue with you and she’d always be available to do anything you wanted at any time. She could even orgasm saying nice things to you without a mad head full of fears.

She’d be something to be proud of. You could dress her in fine clothes and take her for a drive on weekends in your open top sports car and be the envy of every guy and a hate object for all women. Guys could even hold “Show and Shines” with them and marvel at ingenious modifications and customisations. Maybe even have burnout comps and other events – like robot sex wars, where girl robots could battle each other to orgasm using fingers and tongues.

And then you could simply switch her off when you got sick of her. If you could afford it – she wouldn’t be cheap – you could have two, and they wouldn’t mind a bit. They’d probably enjoy each other’s company.

You’d never lend her to anyone else. You’d bond with her like a car. Each one would have her own unique characteristics and you’d never want to part with her. Until you saw the newest latest updated release with realistic moving eyes, five exciting new positions and a new cheeky talk-back mode. Then you’d rush home, dress your little old darling in her nicest favourite clothes, drag her back and trade her in.

You’d cry a bit when you handed her over at the store looking at her cute blank glassy smile for the last time, remembering the good times. You’d remember when those little bite marks on her soft silicone skin happened. You’d dread the thought of ever seeing her in the arms of another man. It would be quite emotional. But then you’d think about the new one and be in a hurry to get home, get her programmed and chatting.

Too good to be true? Science fiction? Not at all! The good news is that such a woman is not only feasible but she’s genuinely technically viable and I wouldn’t mind betting that somebody doesn’t already have a prototype under construction. In fact they’re probably bed testing her right now as you read this. More than likely she’s been ready for tooling up and quantity production for years, but the guy who built her is too happy and too busy playing with her to bother getting around to it.

Very seriously, a full scale, fully sexually interactive, high quality, realistic, replica female robot with interactive artificial intelligence could easily be built today. No, she couldn’t walk or cook or clean like a real person but then real women don’t do those things anymore either so there’s no loss here. I doubt she could perform the full repertoire of positions of the Kama Sutra just yet, but later models would be fully capable and again you’re not losing out, because real women never give you that stuff either.

Anybody who manufactured such a product is guaranteed to become wealthier than Mr Gates within a decade, given the present parlous state of female lunacy and given the fact that the initial market would require at least a couple of billion units. I imagine a good quality basic robot girl sex-toy product would retail for about the same price as an average small car and give about the same service life when correctly maintained, dependent of course, on how worked up you got while interacting with the toy.

If there’s anybody out there who’s reading this and wants to invest a couple of hundred thousand to make a lot of money and help mankind live with dignity and fun into the future, then contact me. Seriously, I mean it. I already have the basic artificial intelligence engine built. A robot girl could be pleasuring you within twelve months from now. Wouldn’t that be nice?

And then, women could all go to hell. Who’d need them? Babies? Men’s technology can solve that problem too. We don’t need women anymore. They’re useless, annoying, vicious, smelly, evil creatures tainted by the same violent psychopathic corruption as Adolf Hitler, and hopefully, they’ll find the same ultimate solution for themselves that he found for himself.

Besides, having a bit of serious competition around might just shake some sense into those horrible women’s greedy little selfish heads. Won’t it be nice when they come back begging forgiveness and actually apologising for the millions of little babies they’ve murdered in abortion clinics and the global strife and misery that they’ve caused for the millions of emotionally injured single-parent children.

But I wonder, if you had a gorgeously stunning compliant and obliging mechanical partner who never complained or spent your money or would never murder, maim or mutilate you, legally and freely without fear of retribution, guilt or shame, would you forgive a real woman, forget the past and embrace such a nasty, mean, vile and immoral creature back into your life?

I don’t think so. I think we might hold trials for the perpetrators of these crimes against humanity like at Nuremberg after World War II. We could execute them while our man friendly robot girls watched on smiling with all innocence and sublime apathy.

Men take heart. Your robot girl is just around the chronological corner and when she comes, whoa, she’s going to blow old fashioned flesh and bone women off the face of the planet.

What colour eyes and hair will you choose? What size breasts will you order? Thirty-six C or forty-eight DDD? Or get the “Variable Breast Size” option. What are you going to name her? She’ll be fully programmable with a big menu of preferences. I’m excited already. When can I place my order?

John Gardiner

Historical note – this article (second KN edition reprint above) has been the most popular article ever published on KN, mostly due to our good friends at popfiction.com – a highly recommended site for men with a good sense of fun and penchant for sexy, fantasy sci-fi.

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